Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize