this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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