Please, let me fuck your mom
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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