Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just gift wrapped bread.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize