i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
