I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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