lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize