you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
