Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
