I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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