I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
