I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
