how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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