We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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