Pants 0. Shit 1.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
