dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
