Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
this will be a night to untag.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
