it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
