I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize