Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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