yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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