Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
