RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
