you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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