Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
