i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize