btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
