he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
