I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
