i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
