Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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