So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
