Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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