I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
