Is it normal to miss your booty call?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
