So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
