Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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