so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize