seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
