i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
