that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
