I'm so fucking centered right now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
