so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
