the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
