We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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