just tell him i said nine months
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
