I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
