I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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