The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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