Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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