I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
