you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
