how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize