i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
