Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
