I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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