He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
