Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize