What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
