Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
