The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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