he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
