So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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