if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
