My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
