So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
