if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
