Swine flu. Run for my life!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
