at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize