are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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