I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
