Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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