i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
