Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize