if you like me you must not know who I am
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Bring me that man meat
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
