1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
