wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
