i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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