Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
