Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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