I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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