Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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