I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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