He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
