i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
