i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
