i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
