Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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