Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
