A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
