id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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