You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
