that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
