you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
did i walk over a car last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We need to get me chipped asap
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
