the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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