Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
